What Men Don’t Get About Women

 

 

There is a book in the Bible called Ephesians which provides you with great insights about marriage and how a relationship between a man and a woman should be like. The fifth chapter in this is considered the greatest treatise in the New Testament on marriage. The insight it provides is truly remarkable by every standard and touches upon the realities of the dynamics of a relationship.

The summary of that chapter goes, “A husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband”. This is not that difficult to understand. In fact, it is quite natural and we have all experienced this countless times in our own lives. If you understand the core concept of this summary, you are going to be okay in your marriage. You still might have troubles at times but ultimately your marriage is going to be okay.

After careful observation and research, marriage experts came to discover the existence of something called a crazy cycle. As the name suggests, it’s a cycle that men and women get into whenever a conflict arises and it makes things crazy really quickly. This happens due to the fundamental difference between being a man and a woman.

What happens is, when a wife feels unloved by her husband, she tends to react in a way that feels disrespectful to him. And when the husband feels disrespected, then he tends to act in a way that feels unloving to her. This can start at any moment and in any conflict. Once it starts though, it creates a crazy cycle where things escalate really quickly.

Without love, the wife reacts disrespectfully and without respect, the husband reacts without love, and so on. Even couples who have a really great relationship can fall into the trap of this crazy cycle.

But there are ways that couples can reconcile and prevent conflicts from rising to unmanageable levels. There are some things that a husband can do and there are some things that a wife can do to manage the situation a little better.

From the man’s perspective, he should remember that his wife is not really trying to be disrespectful. It might be that she is trying to connect with you. It might be that she wants to confront you because you knowingly or unknowingly made her feel insecure and so she needs reassurance.

This crazy cycle is so fundamental and so common that researchers actually studied 2000 couples over a period of 20 years to understand it better. What they discovered is that during a conflict, a man’s heart starts beating much faster than normal and he enters into what is called a warrior mode. He might look calm and composed but on the inside, he feels like a storm.

A woman’s heart, however, is beating at a normal pace, even though she might look completely enraged. Therefore, to calm the situation, it is the husband who has to calm himself first. This deflates the situation completely and you finally get out of the crazy cycle.

As a husband, all you have to do is apologize sincerely if you come across as unloving. You could ask for time to calm yourself down first and revisit the conflict in a sane manner after a few minutes. Research has shown that when a man does this, the woman immediately softens up as well and apologizes for her behavior as well. It quickly resolves things.